


Family Don't End With Blood

by thisisapaige



Series: Thisisapaige's Suptober20 Collection [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester has come so far in the last fifteen years y'all, Feels, Ficlet, Found Family, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, One Shot, Suptober 2020 (Supernatural), but hasn't told him yet, i got emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:22:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26903584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisapaige/pseuds/thisisapaige
Summary: (For Suptober20. Day 8 Prompt: Heartless.)⁂However, there was one thing, one phrase, his father always said that contradicted all his other proclamations. That one phrase was the loudest, most booming, most important part of all the words repeating in Dean's head.Watch out for Sammy.How could Dean watch out for Sammy if he didn't have a heart?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Thisisapaige's Suptober20 Collection [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950343
Kudos: 41





	Family Don't End With Blood

**Author's Note:**

> There's a new episode and I am NOT ready.
> 
> [Let's feel over feels together over on Tumblr.](https://thisisapaige.tumblr.com/)

Dean tried to be heartless. Dean tried not to care. Dean tried so hard to listen to his father, listen to the voice echoing in his head, ever since he was a child.

_Steel yourself against them, Dean. Don't let their faces and words fool you. They are monsters, heartless monsters, and monsters must be killed._

Whenever Dean cried, whenever Dean hesitated, whenever Dean questioned the morality of it all, his father spoke those words. Over and over and over again Dean would repeat the words, etching them upon his soul. Dean learned from his father that, to defeat heartless monsters and become a strong, capable hunter, he had to become one himself.

However, there was one thing, one phrase, his father always said that contradicted all his other proclamations. That one phrase was the loudest, most booming, most important part of all the words repeating in Dean's head.

_Watch out for Sammy._

How could Dean watch out for Sammy if he didn't have a heart? 

How could he be heartless when his kid brother curled up against him in the cold, dark motel rooms of their childhood, afraid of the monsters under his bed?

How could he stop caring about the monsters with faces, the ones who begged for mercy, who spoke of their children, when he had one of his own? 

How could he?

How _could_ he?

It was a contradiction, a dichotomy, two parts he could not reconcile. He tried. He tried so hard to listen to his father's voice, to follow his command. 

Monsters must be killed.

Steel yourself.

Watch out for Sammy.

The words echoed, swirling, swirling, swirling, around in Dean's head until he couldn't take it anymore. It was a relief when he sold his soul. Going to Hell didn't seem so bad. After all, he was finally able to follow his father's decree.

He watched out for Sammy.

He stopped caring.

He became heartless.

But then, an angel saved him, gripped him tight and raised him from perdition, and everything changed. 

Because the angel wasn’t a human but he also wasn’t a monster. The angel was certainly not heartless. He had too much of one, in fact. He was something else, something grey in the black and white world Dean’s father taught. 

Dean’s world had been muddled before-- the vampires who just wanted to be left alone, the werewolf who didn’t want to hurt anyone, the humans who hunted their fellow humans for sport-- but the angel tilted Dean’s world on its axis and changed everything. 

Because Dean wasn’t heartless at all.

He never stopped caring.

He could still watch out for Sammy but he also had to learn to let Sam watch out for himself.

The angel-- Castiel, Cas, buddy, pal-- became his best friend, became his confidant, became something important beyond words. Sammy became Sam, Dean’s brother, and a smart capable man who took charge of his own fate. Dean’s world became a beautiful shade of grey. He found a family in Garth, Bobby, Charlie, Jody and the girls, Ellen and Jo and, hell, even Rowena and Crowley. 

Not all of them were human. Not all of them were monsters. None of them were heartless.

Dean stopped trying to be heartless. Dean stopped trying to no longer care. Dean stopped trying to listen to his father's words echoing in his head. The voice of his father faded. He etched something else upon his soul. 

_Family don’t end with blood, boy._

Dean’s heart expanded. There was room in it for more. Sometimes, Dean looked at his Cas, his angel, and wondered if he could fit. 

One day-- oh, one day-- Dean would try.


End file.
